My Ayahuasca Experience

Last night, I had a complete reawakening of my spirit and cleansing of toxic energies in my energy body. I successfully utilized the vehicle of Ayahuasca to do a proper psycho-spiritual system cleanse. I’ve used Ayahuasca several times in the past, all with success during and after the experience, though my first use was the roughest ride. In any case, every time the success was defined by the transformative processes of DMT and the other catalysts in the brew mixture.

This time last night, today being the day after Good Friday, April 18th, I used half a gram of harmine alone. Shortly after orally ingesting it I took a shot of boiled down mimosa hostilis. I was boiling about a hundred grams of powered plant material into two nip sized shots of purple potion. I would boil all of it in a large pot for an hour, then use a cut up T-shirt to strain out the solid material. I repeated this process and reused the solid material twice, mixing the two brews into one smaller pot. Each time I boiled it down, there would be solid sediment in the broth, so occasionally I used the T-Shirt method of straining to get rid of the solid particulates. This super potentiates the levels of DMT in a tiny package, and is the easiest way to process the plant material if using the powder.

I boiled the potion down into a very small amount of purple liquid, enough for two 50ml nip shots that had vodka in them at one point. I saved these shots for this very purpose. Use a funnel of course to not waste a single drop of the precious holy water, and not commit sacrilege by disrespecting the bounties of this wondrous Earth. I had six shots from a half-kilo of powdered mimosa and a bag of solid crumbled resin extract mixed with baking soda to smoke. The smoke was not very strong, as this batch was a weak one as our fine friends informed us, but it was a hit for sure and was lighting up my whole head when I smoked it. I gave one shot of potion to a close soul mate friend with proper instruction as to the Intent of my conjuring in making the brews, so I ended up with five for myself. I did not sell it, as Karma is perfect with generosity and thus the Great Wheel turns under our Feat. I warned him a woman may fall in love with him shortly after, though he now wishes to be single, so I told him for that reason especially. The point of my potion was primarily to think-less feel-more. I believe that I totally succeeded at this endeavor.

The beginning, right after ingestion, composing my energy was a strenuous affair. I had to hold it in and know how to feel about it, what I was doing, what it meant to me, what I needed in life, and what I desired for the trip itself. When I couldn’t hold it anymore, I vomited it up. I had recently been having bouts of mental violence where I would internalize anger. My recent energy catalyzed the vomiting, and it was very violent for a scary moment. Soon after puking, however, I totally consolidated my energy into simple language metaphor statements to my self to regain my composure and self-control. This was simple, as I always use self-talk and find myself to be a good speaker and guide.

At the moment of self-conception, I lost control of all my bodily functions and vomited finally. It was truly horrific and uncomfortable when it occurred, just as the toxic waste of my energy and emotions would sometimes be, and I directly correlated those too metaphors of life. There was an actually scary moment in time that I felt like the trip could go south on me. I very quickly reestablished my hold on my energy composure; as I said self-talk is a gift that I use, and I recommend learning to speak to one’s self to anyone who involves themselves in hallucinogenic drugs. I’d recommend any kind of self-work, self-knowledge, knowledge of spirituality, knowledge of human nature and psychology, and knowledge of the drugs themselves to any and all people willing to undertake the enormous human sacrifice of seeking in this day and age.

I was sick of the violence in me, I was sick of the pain, I was sick of the anger, the resentment, and shame. I was sick of always taking the blame. I let it all go, and it let me know, when the time comes for harvest you reap what you sow.

The final thing that Ayahuasca, and in my mind the Communal Subconscious, tried to sick out of me was a secret deep in my heart about murmuring to the wind. Whispering may be more precise, and I have a Gift of The Mind in which I project spirit through thought directed at the world, and the world immediately responds. I am actually a gifted magician, a poet and Renaissance Man by trade, and I value this work above many other fine things in this good world. I come from a progressive upper-middle class home mixed of Intelligencia and Seers. My father is a P.H.D. professor and my mother is educated and an occasionally practicing psychic. I am gifted on both accounts, and was a prodigy as a young boy, especially musically, language wise, mathematics and pragmatic thought, philosophy, and I possessed the gifted imagination of a visionary and vivid lucid dreamer. I was an intelligent design God- Machine, and even at age four (my memory is also long and gifted) I was capable of projecting myself into the world and Seeing things around me react. I was hiding this secret for a very long, lonely time, and now I am over myself and love people and life more than I’d ever hoped as a boy.

When I was a child, I was like George Clooney in “The Men Who Stare at Goats”. It’s an American movie about psychic spies that were military trained as peacekeepers. I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s instead of the 50’s and 60’s, but the themes of our lives run parallel regardless. These people in the movie, and especially George Clooney, were highly misunderstood by their peers and elders in the early fifties post-modern nuclear family mentality. What they loved was shunned by people ignorant of its meaning, and these were the starving artists and poets, the beatniks and hippies. These were the counterculture that tried and often succeeded at promoting the notion that mainstream America could be made into something better, something higher and more true to human nature and even the national character.

America was founded on the notions that free thinkers and liberal minded people with a penchance for power and freedom can make their own way in unknown territory and find Earthly Paradise in the New Garden of Eden. This ideology is the national character, and though it often does not become perfect for people in our world, we all try to do our part and be something. America is a country of famous people, individualists and heroes, and we all love to stand out. Tripping in the sixties here, in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, New York, Philadelphia, and Boston, and many other places in those times, was the American Soul’s Cry of Freedom. It was the Eagle on High that watched the Good Free People of this Earth, and it was the Warrior’s Wisdom. All the New Age heroes represented these strong marks of character, and they are my friends and allies in the battle for freedom. I recommend reading any and all material on these topics from the New Age material available. A few big names are Carlos Castaneda, The Celestine Prophesy, and anything on Buddhism, Taoism, Zen (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance for instance) and other altered states and heightened states type of reading. The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley is about mescaline, and Timothy Leary did a psychedelic handbook based on LSD and The Tibetan Book of the Dead. These are all very heavy reading, so take your time and reflect. Answers to questions lie in these books; they are tomes of knowledge and wisdom.

Anyway, back to the matters at hand. After finally talking and feeling myself into a state of high energy and total composure, I started to really soar through the trip and enjoy it. I kept saying, boisterously and joyfully, “Everything is here now!!!” “Everything is always here and now!!!” I had to get it through

my head, to the deepest feeling parts of my inner core that my whole world must revolve around the present moment. I thought of the wise words of Yoda: “Do, or do not, there is no try.” Everything is here and now and doing means less thinking and more feeling. He told young Skywalker to stop looking to the future, to put his head in the immediate present moment. The Immediate Imperative of the moment is to follow all direct lines of sight to the truth of reality, and thus truly live and be a real human being. This is always the same, everywhere you go with your body, mind, and soul, and is always true, though we do not know it.

I put on a preordained soundtrack to fit my programming specifications. A psycho-spiritual journey is meant to be both beautiful, wonderful, and awe-inspiring. It should be frightening as well, for some more than others, but as a sign of reverence to the enormous power of these plants one must know humility to their own selves and desires, and the higher workings in the universe. I listened to great songs, including “Back To Mine Lamb (The Voodoo Sessions) - Sacred Space” by Nitin Sawhney, “Back To Mine Lamb (The Voodoo Sessions) - Prophesy” by the Hip Optimist, “Elastic Dance”, “In I Head – Voodoo God Sent”, “Songs of Praise – Hymn”, “Heading for Glory” (all the last four songs are by African Head Charge), “Move for Me” by Deadmau5 and Kaskade (to induce telekinesis, which works now better than it did before, I’ve been quietly practicing this for a very long time now), “Primal Scream” from the Trainspotting soundtrack, “Indian Spirit Reprise” by Enigma, “Strobe” by Deadmau5 (a very deep and mellow trance), “Starve the Ego, Feed the Soul” by The Glitch Mob (These guys are into Castaneda’s work, he was called by Time magazine “The Godfather of the New Age”), “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons (very bombastic and intense, a powerful hit J), “Clarity” by Zedd, “The Hills of Ireland” from the Boondock Saints Soundtrack, “Return to Innocence” by Enigma, “Now we are Free” by Enya from the Gladiator soundtrack, and last but certainly not least, “The Lonely Shepard” from the Kill Bill Soundtrack. I listened to that whole track list in the order presented, and I would be honored if others among you used the same thing in the same way. All the songs are available on YouTube, and you can download them as MP3’s easily on many sites. I peaked at the beginning and it lasted about an hour and a half, the duration of the most intense parts of the trip, and I recommend it to anyone who wishes to cleanse and rejuvenate themselves, as it worked like a charm for me. J

I smoked a ton of pot, maybe a gram in two hours, maybe a bit less, and did not smoke all day before this moment to completely potentiate and catalyze the DMT and Harmine. I also mixed the Pot with Mapacho, which is a great smoking blend, and Mapacho can also be found online. It is a South American nicotiana strain called nicotiana rustica, and has higher levels of nicotine and other better stimulants than North American tobacco. I smoke it all the time, and it’s cheap online. The pot just went with the DMT and Harmine perfectly, as it has in the past, and I fell in love even more deeply with it mixed than without. I always joke that Mary Jane is my Girlfriend, and Ayahuasca is my Grandmother, so I’m glad the family got together to have a nice time at home. J

I was dancing, laughing, praying, and rejuvenating my whole physiology for the duration of the track list. There was also no real loss of my individuality, as I have a profoundly strong, powerful character in my speeches and expressive forms, as I am proud to acknowledge myself as a true “renaissance man”. I’m a poet, a musician, a comedian, a chef, an archivist in the Grand Library, a lover of women and children, a spiritual free thinker, a dreamer, a prayer in the darkness, a whisper of the wind, a touch of the divine, and an all-inclusive fully functioning act that serves to perform for The Spirit that which only Man can do. I value this no matter what, with or without Ayahuasca, and I smoke medical marijuana for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder daily. I’ve seen many life-and-death situations, have consciously left my body

knowing I was outside of myself and still walking in the world around me for hours at a time, and have achieved Feats of Prowess that make the moments in time that I possessed close to God-hood.

I kept telling myself all the things I wished all the time. I said over and over, “this is a church”. The funny thing is, I was so scared before I finally went through with it that I began by telling myself “this is a hospital”. I’m speaking, of course, of my parents’ single unit home in the suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts. By the time I composed my energy consciously after the debilitation of vomiting, I was high and happy and feeling free and clean, truly clean in a way that I could not achieve without this. Before this moment, I was only smoking pot, and I knew it was not enough. That was what triggered my decision to take this enormous responsibility upon myself, to be a better man.

In order to do something like this righteously, One must know all things pertaining to the actual processes of DMT in a way that utilizes their own natural, latent feelings to understand the processes that this drug implies. I spent the past four months preparing for this One moment of total Oneness, and it was more valuable in actuality then I can rightfully understand now, as this is step One, I know now what I knew not before, and what I know fills me with Light and Joy. The Entrance of The Light is The Dawn of Rebirth, and thus The Soul is cleaned of its impurities and imperfections. This is True Redemption in potentially One of the highest forms, and I value The Christ beyond all living mortals, though they know it not.

I finished the night by watching most of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. It was truly intense. I could hear the voices of The Spirit through the portal of the television, and they were abundant in light and joy. Hollywood for the United States is truly a glamorous affair; if One follows all the lines of sight in a superb movie by the American Standard, One can see all the things pertaining to our hearts, minds, and souls. They represent the Spirit and Soul of this nation, and speak for the people, by the people, because they are the people. We’re all movie stars at heart, I think, and we’re happiest when we know it and clap our hands.

After Star Wars I became very drowsy. I am diagnosed with bipolar/schizoaffective disorder, ADHD, and PTSD, and suffer from a myriad of symptoms that haunt me. For these reasons especially I decided to take the medicine, as I was hoping to be “brought home” to myself, and thus I was in thought and deed. I took an incremental dose less of my antipsychotics so that the soulfulness of the experience would not be destroyed and corrupted by the pain of those pills. I need them to sleep, as I have severe insomnia, but otherwise I wish I did not have to take them. I would be on a constant level of hallucinations forever if I didn’t take them, as I am even with the antipsychotics, and they reduce the intensity significantly. They do, however, have hurtful and harmful aspects, and One should never be overmedicated by psychiatric drugs, as they are extremely dangerous. The few I take are some of the lightest and easiest on the mind and body, and I still know I suffer, as they hinder my natural spirit and genius. I am now taking less every day, starting today, and am going to be on this lower dose constantly as far as I can tell. This is based on my experience last night with Ayahuasca, and I am enormously grateful to be here and happy now without so much medication. When I get old enough and have success and real happiness in a way that I do not have now, I will need them much less, and this is a good thought.

I ate a light meal before bed, and laughed for two hours, talking and babbling and just, well, feeling in a really deeply human and organic way. I slept well, woke up well, and have felt in a very simple and profoundly satisfying way, just plain good. It was cleansing, it was releasing, it was cathartic: She was healing. I fell in love with Everything all over again for a night, and I am a better man for it. This point I

wish to make absolutely clear, if one follows appropriate guidelines with Ayahuasca and turns a trip into a long term project, One will always be rewarded for honest regard and serious effort. This is a truism about life, and especially about pioneering and adventurousness. Good luck, all yea who seek The Unknown, be brave and true, and Know Thyself. If anyone has any personal question to ask, feel free to email me at bedian@hotmail.com. I am always happy to share experience. I am very intelligent and adept at communication, and have tripped intensely several hundred times in about sixteen years. I’m good at what I do, and I have an honest worry and concern for people who seek the unknown as I do, and do not know all the things they need to survive and thrive under the pressures of existence. Please email me at your whim, and I will be happy to be of service to you. Blessings on all, Amen.